!!!!Milo's Guide to Eating Out!!!!

How many times have you been out and about after a nice long run or a hunt through the garden, and your stomach tells you it's time for a snack. We Jack Russells know that you can't always depend on your human for a good, wholesome, delicious doggie treat without having to do some stupid trick to get it.   Here are some great gourmet treats you can have just for the taking...they can't be beat!!

1. Snails Au Naturale

Here is a snack which is plentiful and well worth the effort. When you go out into the garden, especially after a good rain, you can have a smorgasbord of gourmet treats ala escargoe! The French really know their stuff!!!!! You can have this treat with or without the shell, tho the shell does make a nice crunchy sound as you enjoy em. The snails that come 'without' the shell go down quickly and make for a quick treat when you are 'on the run'.

2. Earthworms Extrordinaire

Earthworms are also especially plentiful after a good rain. Although a good sized earthworm may put up a bit of a fight, they go down easily and really 'tickle your tummy'.  Earthworms are not as crunch as the snails, but are definitely at the top of any gourmet list.

3. Green Grass Surprise

I'm sure all of my four-legged friends out there have enjoyed this snack. Our humans think it is because we have a 'tummy ache' but we know better. Nothing better than good green roughage!!! Always remember your greens!!!! Guaranteed to keep you 'regular'.

4. Moth/Fly Flambeau

Here is a treat worth working for. Nothing better than a nice juicy moth or fly that has had the benefit of flying into your abode. After your snack, you can wash it down with a nice glass of eau de toilet!!!!

Another benefit of this particular dish is that, while 'chasing' your snack, it makes your humans think you are 'so cute'. Then when you catch your flying treat, you can watch your humans turn all shades of green! The benefit of this 'trick' is that if you happen to go into the garden to eat grass and throw up all over their new carpet, they will feel sorry for you and treat you like a king.

5. Puddle Perrier

This is a drink for the discriminating canine!!!! Only the best puddles will do. While you are out for a walk, even if your human has brought along a bottle of finest mineral water for your drinking pleasure, nothing beats a good slug of Puddle Perrier. If only we could bottle this and bring it home!!!!

6. Toilet Paper Trifle (also known as Tissue Trifle)

Ah, now here we are talking a MAJOR doggie delight.  Any roll of toilet paper will do, but the larger the better.  Same goes for boxes of tissue or rolls of paper towels. These are best enjoyed when your humans are not at home and are quite a culinary delight.  I find that getting down to a good-sized roll of toilet paper on my human's bed is the ultimate experience and highly recommend it to all my canine subjects.

For those times when you just need something to nibble the time away, you might try some of these tried and true treats:

1. Cardboard Nibblers

Great for killing time, cleaning your teeth,  or letting your humans know how irritated you are that they had the nerve to leave the house without you.

2. Newspaper Shreddies

This is a great for keeping yourself busy for hours, especially when your humans have decided to go visiting. Shreddies work especially well if you can time your shredding to just after they have cleaned the house and you know that they will be having visitors.

3. Cable Flossing

This one comes highly recommended from some of my cousins in the U.S. They assure me that, not only does flossing keep your teeth clean and you busy, but it really drives humans 'up the wall'. This works especially well if you can use such items as telephone cables, television and extension cords and computer leads. Just wait for and watch the reaction on their faces!!!! With this particular nibblet, you do run the risk of a nasty shock. However, if you time it right, you can scare the life out of your humans as they check to make sure that you haven't had a nasty shock. This particular nibblet is usually tried by puppies

4. Dryer Sheet Souffle

I received a most interesting e-mail a while back about the delicacies that dryer sheets can be for some of our more discriminating canine friends.  This one came from a Jack Russell, so you KNOW it has to be good.  I haven't tried it out yet, because my human refuses to use dryer sheets...(oh how we have to train these stubborn humans).  However, I have been told that if you get the dryer sheet, as it has come out of the dryer all soft and warm, it is quite a delight.  Make sure you shred, shred, shred to release every bit of flavour.

I'd love to hear from all discriminating canines out there as to what other culinary delights we can experience in the great outdoors (and indoors too!). E-mail me with your favourite snacks and we will add them to this page of Milo's Guide to Eating Out!!!!