!!!! How to Train Your Human !!!!

Humans are relatively easy to train, tho not on the same level as we Jack Russells. We pick things up quickly. Humans tend to take awhile before they get the idea. Be patient with them!!!!

!!!!You Want to Go for a Walk!!!!

Humans have difficulty understanding the 'walk on demand' concept. Try these few easy steps to get them to get off their butts and take you out for that morning, afternoon and evening walk. Once you have trained them, you may even try to squeeze in a midnight stroll!!!!

Step 1:  Turn on the Jack Russell charm and sit staring at your lead!!!!

Step 2:  Bark at your collar, harness and lead!!!!

Step 3:  Sit at the front or back door and bark LOUDLY and FREQUENTLY!!!!

Step 4:  Assure the human that if they do not act immediately, you will have no other recourse but to  present them with a nice 'gift'!!!!

Step 5: You now have no other choice than to leave them a 'puddle' in which they will promptly set their feet into. At this point, you give them the 'I told you so' look!!!!

Step 6: After the thick human has given in to your demands and has you out on the streets or in your favourite park-like setting, give them that 'oh bless you kind sir' look. It works wonders and makes them feel guilty!!!!

!!!!You Want to Play!!!!

So you are in the mood to play and the humans are purposefully ignoring you. Do they spend more time on the couch than you feel a trained human should?

Step 1: Sit down and point at the object you wish to play with. You can also add a nice whine or whimper to this act to get the human's attention!!!!

Step 2: Sit at their feet, looking mournful, with the toy hanging out of your mouth. A nice whimper goes well in this situation. If they refuse to notice you, then drop the toy in their lap!!!!

Step 3: Should the above not have the desired effect, it is time for action. At this point you should leap up onto their couch or chair and jump forcefully in their lap. This will cause them pain (providing you 'hit the target') from which they will not be able to sit for a period of time. Now that they are standing and have your undivided attention.......!!!!

!!!!You Want To Eat!!!!

So you have decided that it is about time that your desire for food be acknowledged and yet your humans have other ideas?

Step 1: The one thing that humans can't handle is the ever-popular sad and pityful look that we Jack Russells can give. If you combine this with a slightly cocked head and a sad whine, guaranteed you will receive some sort of culinary delight. If your humans choose to ignore Step 1, then you must take drastic measures!!!!

Step 2: Should your humans have the nerve to sit down at the table without feeding you first, then you must take drastic measures. Sitting down at their feet, while following the hints in Step 1, may bring results. If this fails, combine the above with a hefty dose of Jack Russell drool (especially if it falls on the humans) and I guarantee you will get some sort of tidbit!!!!

This brings up the subject of proper food for Jack Russells. It is written in the Jack Russell Official Handbook that no self-respecting Jack Russell should accept anything less than human food. Forget this dry wholesome business....we want meat, gravy and all that good stuff. The humans may try to tempt you with a rather tasty bit of canned food. Yes, this has happened to me. If you must go for the canned variety, only go for the expensive stuff....the chunks and gravy!!!!

One thing that is guaranteed to do your humans head in is 'the smellier the better' dog food trick. Feign a love of the smelliest dog food on the market (I bait my humans with the tripe varieties found here in the UK). The humans will think you love it and buy you LOTS of it. When the humans open the cans, watch them turn lovely shades of green. Makes a Russell proud! The other good side of this tactic is that the humans, by now, figuring that this food is something you will eat, will buy it in bulk. This means that after a can or two, you immediately go off that particular food!!!!

!!!!You Want Your Own Bed!!!!

This is a must for all Jack Russells, although humans have the mistaken idea that we are content with a plastic dog bed containing a pillow and blanket. Do you think the humans would sleep in such accommodations? They complain if they have to spend the night on the couch! Here are a few suggestions to improve your current sleeping arrangements!!!!

Step 1: No self-respecting Jack Russell sleeps in a dog bed, unless it is the top of the line and comes with its own brass headboard. If your humans persist with this idea, you must lay claim to the biggest bed in the house, preferably theirs. This can be done by beginning a mournful and sad whine when you are forced to go into the doggie bed at night. The more mournful the whine, the better. Throw in some VERY pityful looks when the humans come in to see what is wrong. This will get your doggie bed moved into the master bedroom so that they can get some sleep. Do not stop whining until the humans have completed this step!!!!

Step 2: The following night, when you are forced to get into the dog bed again, wait until your humans have just started to fall asleep. Then begin your mournful cries. If this doesn't bring a flood of pity from them, then throw in a trip to the side of the bed. Place your paws on the side of the bed, combined with the whine and turned head...this should make humans feel very guilty and you will win a spot on the bed...at least at the bottom of the bed!!!!

Step 3:  This is a guaranteed step.....has worked wonders for me. Once you have made it to the bed, then curl up to your human and fall asleep. They can't resist a cuddly Jack Russell curling up to them to sleep. This will lead, eventually, to being covered with the blankets. If you play your cards right, you will wind up sleeping under the covers WITH the humans! This works wonders on a cold winter night. The other plus here is that you can slowly inch your humans out to the very ends of the mattress, while you stretch out and get a good night's sleep. This may force them to purchase a KING SIZED bed!!!! Just remember to look precious and cuddly and, with any luck, you will have the humans sleeping in a plastic basket with a pillow!!!!